13.8.08

Recent Upswing in Piracy Caused by Solar Storms


ACIS-4 Solar Observation Station - August 13

LOST amid the questions surrounding the controversial actions of many ship captains yesterday lies an interesting scientific mystery: Just how do solar storms cause criminal and piratical behavior, anyway? The Weekly Solar News consulted with researchers at the ACIS-4 research station in Mercury's L4 point to find out. "Earth science had long correlated the link between pirates and global warming," says Dr. Antoine Koult, Director of ACIS-4.


(image courtesy http://www.venganza.org/ )

"However, the missing link wasn't sunspots or total solar activity. It was a particular type of solar storm very similar to the one that occurred yesterday." Dr. Koult briefed the WSN staff on the phonomenon that he is studying, which the ACIS team calls 'P-Energy' or 'Pirate Energy.' The following comes from his lecture. Here comes the science:


We have found that some rare types of solar activity create standing waves of unusually long-lived heavy leptons and supersymmetric neutrino pairs that string theorists call sneutrtinos. We call this toxic mix of particles P-Energy. As P-Energy from the sun during certain solar storms innundates the human brain, areas colloquially called the 'piracy centers' are activated. The following brain scans show this difference in activity in these areas.




When this occurs, even the most peaceful person will feel tempted to jump in a ship and get his (or her!) raid on. We have created a dramatization below, which shows what happens when these storms occur.



Exactly why this happens is something of a mystery. "More study is needed. And a great deal more rum and coolant!" declares Dr. Koult. The WSN will keep you updated as more is known about the link between solar output and piracy.

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