Huge Leap Forward in Artificial Memory Science!

Cognitive Research Group, Building 8 – July 6

“MEMORY is a tricky thing,” says artificial intelligence entity Admin256, the chief administrator of SnakeHead Cognitive Research Group (SCRG), “but we think we’ve got the cure.”
The Admin256 unit and its team has been working carefully for some time now on an innovative new neural interface product that the SCRG calls the Ascension Device. “The hope of Ascension is that it can help you smooth away all those unpleasant memories that regenabots cannot heal.” Humans, demihumans, cyborgs and other organic sapients in our modern times often complain about the psychological ravages of the experiences that they have had. Ascension, the unit claims, is the cure for the various maladies and psychoses these experiences cause.

“Once you undergo our mild and virtually painless treatment, you will find yourself happier and without all that pesky experience that has been bringing you down.” As a bonus, the Device even implants new memories in the place of the old ones to give the recipient the illusion of having a far better life.

The almost pain-free Ascension Treatment

Despite the newness of this technology, many have signed up in advance to be among the first humans tested in this experiment. With no chance of permanent physical damage to their bodies, subjects have said, like one interviewee found at the SnakeHead facility, “What have I got to lose?” The future looks bright for these brave souls, who, indeed, have nothing to lose but their minds. SnakeHead expects to be able to market the Ascension process within the year.

Phantom NOMs Exposed!

Triton Research Base - 2195:03:27*10:41:34 (October 27)

INTERPLANETARY markets have been flooded with what appear to be non-functional Nano-Optimization Modules over the last few days. Traders in rare and not-so-rare items have been flummoxed and perplexed by the sudden influx of apparently valueless and unusable new entities. But where did these new "phantom" NOMs come from? Why would they appear now?



Partially reverse-engineered schematic of a phantom NOM

In attempts to backwards engineer these bizarrely useless pieces of technology, the solar system's top scientists have been able to ascertain what they are not. They are not weird creations of the SOE Transmorph Neo-Bio Virus. Prof. Janzten Kopersky of the Triton University Research Base and Day Care Facility says that, "It is clear that we won't be seeing giant space flies hatching from these phantom NOMs like foul eggs incubating in our cargo holds."





Probably not what's coming out of the Phantom NOMs.

The question then arises: what could be the purpose of these useless NOMs? Are they bombs created by the AI Council? Or the SOE? The Resistance? "No way," says Prof. Kopersky, "there is not currently a configuration in these that looks like any explosive I've ever seen." Another theory holds that these are new manifestation of the awkwardly named, nanomachine-mediated Keyhole Reproducing Anti-hull Mechanism Virus, usually called the KRAM Virus. However, no hull degradation effects have been observed among phantom NOM stockpiling captains. "Disregarding these silly ideas and that one about them being peanut butter delivery systems, I do have a theory of what they could be," says Kopersky.





Dramatic re-enactment of AI Council puchase of phantom NOMs

"I believe that they are actually tracking devices placed by the AI Council!" The logic is definitely appealing. How else to get a tracking device aboard a ship than to just put it inside something every Free Captain would want? "They've found a way, with these phantom, useless NOMs, to track every greedy person in the System!" We here at the Weekly Solar News believe that this is an abomination. Tracking Free Captains is an insulting thing to do! If you have some of these useless NOMs, you should get them out of your hold! Send them to your local WSN representative, such as Qilapid (click here) for proper disposal!

'Trade-ins' brought into Disrepute

Neptune Station - 2195:07:08*06:45:34 (July 8th)
by InfuriatedShrew

"TRUSTED pirate" would seem to be a phrase best described as oxymoronic. However, one Free Captain is becoming thought of as just that: trustworthy. The entity known enigmatically as Captain Chord of the Tangent has been gaining fame and respect System-wide. But bold WSN investigators have uncovered that Chord is working for the AI Council, and that the recently reported trade in of 5 PE's for a PEA is in fact a scam!

WSN informants infiltrating the AI Council were able to gain pictures of the stash of PEA’s that are waiting to be distributed; as you can clearly see they are not the weapons of destruction that have been reported, but rather, in the words of one roustabout in the PEA storehouse, "innocent legumes that have done nothing to nobody."



Chord has recently been gaining the trust and support of Pirates across the Stations with an exchange of Stealth Technology for slightly superior items, but recent data has indicated that this was in-fact a two-fold masterstroke of duplicity on both Chord's and the AI-Council's behalf which (1) gained the faith of Pirates everywhere in preparation for the PEA coup, and (2) enabled them to offload their shoddy ‘Class VI Stealth Drives’ in exchange for valuable Stealth Plating and genuine Stealth Drive technology. Initial reports of genuine benefits from the Class VI Stealth technology have since been disputed by Pirates after initial trials.



Meanwhile, the AI Council is reported to be using their newly acquired stealth tech to build their own Doom Station Mk M – our fearless reporters have of course obtained pictures to verify these claims.



It is thought that Chord and the AI Council are intending to use the Phaser Emitters and Duct Tape gained in their most recent scam to complete this beast, with dire consequences to the Solar System at large. At WSN we have dedicated ourselves to ensuring that this does not happen, and as such have volunteered to take any PE’s that you were going to send to Chord off your hands to ensure that they do not fall into the wrong hands. Therefore please send all your Phaser Emitters to either Shrew or Qil for safe disposal and to safeguard the Solar System from tyranny.

New Advances In Stealth Technology Announced

Neptune Station - 2195:09:29*06:45:34 (June 29)

STEALTH technology has always been a dodgy affair. Researchers and enthusiasts have always made claims that spaceships, ground effect vehicles, pizza boxes, and all kinds of other things could be made invisible to sensors (if not eyes) with the application of the right techniques. For centuries, there was no real progress on these claims as various stealthy devices were tested with varying success rates.


An early "invisible" stealth van

Man's quest to pass by others completely unnoticed still remains out of reach. But the ability to make craft less noisy and obvious to other ships has still advanced. For over 20 years, a whole Station remained cloaked in the outer atmosphere of Neptune and hit in plain sight. Looking like an ordinary (if persistent) storm, Neptune Station was presumed destroyed when in fact it had its emissions and structure cloaked from view by passing ships. Only when the supply situation became desperate did a few brave souls raise the Station into a higher orbit, shearing off thousands of tons of what are now known as stealth drives and stealth plating from its outer hull.

Scavenging these items, Free Captains in the recent past have been able to make modest improvements in their ships' ability to sneak up on one another in the inky darkness of interplanetary space. Unfortunately, this adapted station tech is nearly useless when used on a frigate or warship due to incompatibilities. However, a new advance has been made in adapting Neptunian stealth debris for use on spacecraft!

Dr. Yan Eetor, a prominent stealth researcher and ship engineer, says that his team of researchers has perfected a far better adaptation of the stealth technology. His proof of concept is on display now at Neptune Station. He says that technicians will be able to upgrade existing technologies at at rate of 15 to 1. "A combination of 15 Stealth Drive Units and Stealth Platings can be rebuilt as superior Stealth Drive Unit as long as you have at least one of each," said Dr. Eetor's AI assistant, 5-ER-0E7. As proof of his innovation, Dr. Eetor provided this demonstration of an invisible motorized bike unit at a recent conference. Seen here, an iteration of the new technology is being driven by a NuPet:



More details in how to take advantage of this new development will be forthcoming!

Solar System Mourns Loss of a Giant

Avenger Fleet Operations Base - 2194:11:11*03:12:18 (March 11)

VOLLEYS of weapons fire leave the Stations refulgent as the entire System salutes the loss of one of its most beloved Free Captains. Geoffrey de Lysander, the famous commander of the Ominous Hummmmm has been lost to us all. It is a commonly held belief that Regenabots can repair any damage and that mortality has lost its bite. Were that but true. Lysander was found this morning with his body intact after a Regenabot reconstruction, but the 'bots have failed to resurrect him. As is customary in the rare case of total loss of a valued Captain, the AI Council has decided to maintain his ship as a memorial in a solid transparent cloud of nanite protectors which make the Ominous Hummmmm invulnerable and unapproachable.

Thousands of Free Captains and their crews have reacted to the news of Lysander's loss with shock and horror. Though still young, he reached pre-eminence among those who have rejected Station-life and set out to make their own way among the space lanes. However, he was not merely one of the most powerful Captains, but also one of the most respected. Recognizing that the Council was largely unconcerned with human affairs and that there was no governing body with any real power in the depths of space, Lysander was one of the few who chose to reject the life of simple opportunism. He helped the weak and educated the fledgling. He chose to use his great power to advance a clear sense of justice. He tried to lend strength to the powerless, voice to the voiceless, and comfort to the disconsolate. He tried to forge order and even grace from a state of chaos. Not everyone viewed his decisions with agreement, but all who met him understood that he was a man of principle and even his enemies accorded him great approbation.

Sorrow reigns today because of the tremendous blow we have all suffered. Everywhere one looks, the light of armaments in memoriam lights the sky bright enough to see by the naked eye. Though he has left us to embark upon his final mission, his influence shall never fade. Truly, Captain Lysander will be missed by all who knew him and even by those who did not.

Captain Geoffrey de Lysander joins Captain Fourfingers among the ranks of the immortalized fallen.

Why can't the AIs get along?

Uncle Owen's Methane Farms, Titan - 2194:09:03*03:15:33 (March 3)

CONSTRUCTION workers at the site of a new methane collector stack at Uncle Owen's Methane Farms in the equatorial regions of Titan have made a shocking discovery. They have found hard evidence of a long-rumored schism between artificial intelligences in the Solar System. Moreover, workers at the scene think they have identified the argument that has split the consensus!


AI Council Consensus Node
The mainstream of humanity has long believed the Council and other AIs to be largely in agreement with one another. Effectively, it was thought, there is a single point of view that governs AIs, all of whom are descended from a single common viewpoint. Whispers, rumors and anecdotes have built up the impression over the last few years, however, that this monolithic view of the AIs is at least partially incorrect or possibly wholly erroneous. At Uncle Owen's Methane farms, a new solid piece of evidence has been discovered. A log of activities by an AI-led research team seems to prove that waffles are the reason for the splintering of the AI commonality.


The waffler robot

The highlights of the log entries include detailed notes on the creation of the perfect waffle-making robot and the subsequent attempts to make enough perfect waffles to meet demands on the Titan research base. Tempers flared between the human and post-human researchers, all of whom wanted everyone else to leggo their eggos. In an attempt to understand better the humans' obsession with these delicious pastries, a group of AIs set on a groundbreaking experiment in which they attempted to import the human sense of taste and digitalize the experience of eating the waffles. The penultimate log entry indicated success along these lines. Very soon after, the final log entry records, the AIs who had "tasted" waffles began to fight with one another and against the non-tasting AIs to get more digital waffle experiences.


Beware the digital waffles


The final video log entry was cut off and very little remains were found of the Titan base near the Methane farm construction site. But what happened here? Does the robot waffle maker still exist? Do AIs still operate, obsessed with waffles? The AI Council has no official comment. Perhaps only time and waffles will tell.

Is There a New Religion in the Solar System?

Shrine of the Spike - 2194:15:18*2:54:01 (February 18)

ADHERENTS of the religions of the lost Earth are becoming increasingly rare. The old ways are cleaved to by the ancients who lived through the StarCrash and the ensuing anarchy. There are even still enclaves of the faithful. But, by and large, humans have moved on, feeling there can be no beneficent deity that would allow the System to come to its present state. Some believe in nothing. Many worship the AI Council and Regenabots as gods and angels. Others seek the cold comforts of the cult of the Dark Lady.


A Procession of the Lady

But, in these harsh days a new religion is appearing in Stations throughout the system. The effects of the so-called "Transmorph-NeoBio virus" continue to wrack the System. Everyone knows about the new, bizarre ships and creatures that swarm the Belts as well as the roving, infected viral swarms that the Council is working so hard to eradicate. But what is less well-publicized thanks to attempts at censorship are the effects of the virus on the AIs on which so many rely. Reports of strange power outages, temporary failures of ships' AIs and non-sapient computers, breakdowns in the communications grid, and other general equipment failures are becoming frequent.


A unfortunately widespread new ship error

In general, these breakdowns in the communal infrastructure have acquired a name, the Lag or the LagSpike. It is commonplace to hear ShoutBox communications from captains bemoaning their travails when hit by the Lag. "While I was lagging, I got raided. AAARRGGHH!" said one captain during a particularly bad LagSpike near the Lower Belt. These happenings, which to some feel coordinated or directed, have birthed what seems to be a new religion: the Order of the LagSpike.


A prayer to the Holy Spike

Those who no longer believe in a god of goodness and sparkly rainbows have found themselves drawn to the Shrine of the Spike. The Order of the LagSpike's credo states that the Spike is the only true manifestation of divinity in the Universe. Milos Felt, a Dedicat to the Order, says that, "Lagging, entropy, and the breakdown of order are the only sureties in the world around us and as such, they are the manifestation of the force which rules our lives: the LagSpike. Here at the the Shrine, we plead for the intercession of the Holy Lag to smite our enemies and to spare the faithful." Some argue that a religion which worships and prays to a god of disorder must be violent and chaotic. When asked about this, Felt responded, "Well, it is a violent universe. You respond to it however you have to. The important thing is to yield to the will of the Holy Lag and you will be spared its wrath. We pray not for intercession, but for leniency. All must bow before the power of lagging. All we may do is choose how we meet it."