RICO Melangelo, the star of the Mars Station pyramid team, is being investigated by the Fédération Interplanétaire de Pyramid Association (FIPA) for doping. He is accused of using "Comet," which is a dangerous mixture of points and coolant. Melangelo denies any involvement with Comet. He has issued a statement saying only that he occasionally has used point "precursors," which are not banned for use in professional competition. Melangelo claims that it is the presence of these precursors which caused a false positive result and not Comet use.
Melangelo, pictured left, in last year's FIPA Championship
Comet has been implicated in many subtle types of brain damage that regenabots seem not to be able to repair, and therefore is one of the most dangerous stimulants known. Despite the risks, however, many athletes use Comet because it can often make a noticible difference in performance, especially in positively affecting spinning deflection passes in Pyramid. Melangelo's team, the Martian Marvins, says that they have no information regarding Rico's alleged Comet usage. They assert that they test regularly and have a zero tolerance policy towards Comet abuse. The Marvins won last year's FIPA championship game against the Pluto Station Hellraisers largely due to amazing neutral zone play by Melangelo.
The FIPA commisioner, Jean-Andre Comiskey, said today that, "This would be a terrible blemish on our sport if true. We are investigating more closely to make certain of the doping charges. Points and coolant just don't mix! If there's one thing I want the Solar System's Pyramid fans to learn, it is this: 'Just say no to Comet!'"
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