Sons of Earth claim credit for Jovian asteroid engineering

AFTER vowing to bring the truth to you, the reader, the Weekly Solar News is proud to announce that we have finally located a group that claims credit for the massive planetoid relocation project in Jovian orbit. You may recall that before it was prematurely exposed by our intrepid investigators, the mysterious project seemed to exist solely to spell an expletive.



The WSN now has an exclusive interview with an individual who claims to speak for the Sons of Earth, the ancient terrorist organization widely believed to have been the cause of the Starcrash Catastrophe. Here is an excerpt from our frightening interview.

Weekly Solar News: The Weekly Solar News has interceepted information that you claim to be the leader of the organization known as the Sons of Earth. Is this true?

Sons of Earth "Leader": First off, I´d like to start by offering greetings from the deep belt. It's been a while since we've been in touch with humanity and yes, we are true sons of earth.

WSN: Are you the same Sons of Earth that are widely believed to have been the cause of the Starcrash Catastrophe?

SoE: No. As far as I know, all of them are dead and have been for a long time.


The "leader" of the Sons of Earth

WSN: You must know that whatever you say, many or most in the Solar System will think you terrorists. How do you respond?

SoE: We respond by openly stating that we are no more "terrorist" than any of the other so-called pirate fleets currently grinding each other to a bloody pulp. In fact, I would say we are even less so, as it is our sole aim to provide for our people and those who wish to join us. We are not raiding or attacking you for our personal gain, but to feed hungry mouths back home and to build a better future. One day, I hope, you will see this.

WSN: We have heard rumors that you have claimed responsibility for the recent asteroid relocation project in Jovian Orbit. Did you organization do this?

SoE: Yes, we had too many drives to spare.

WSN: Why would you do this? What were you spelling?

SoE: An old terran expression which sums up our feelings for the AI council in two crude, simple and effective words.

Chilling words. The astute reader will notice that the Sons of Earth dodge the question about the cause of the Starcrash, which to any thinking person indicates their organizational involvement. They freely admit creating a terrible navigational hazard for purely trivial reasons. They equate many citizens of the Solar System with terrorists, even though most are simply doing what must be done to ensure survival. The Sons of Earth condemn despite the fact the they caused the current conditions by making the Earth uninhabitable! Worse still, they greet humanity from without, as if separate or better. Can we doubt their malevolence? Can we even treat them as human? What else could they be? Post-human cyborgs? Robots? Rogue AI's? Neptunian mermen?