7.10.08

Where Have All the Protectors Gone?

Seeger Base, Asteroid Allodd - October 6

PROTECTORS have been lost from the solar system and still the question resounds through the planets: where did they go? There is no reduction in pirate activity in the outer system or the belt. There seem to be more pods of the decidedly non-delicious kind than ever. Sons of Earth terrorist activity has not diminished. The answer is not, as some have suggested, related to the ever more erratic sunspot cycles.


The Sun. For once, NOT to blame!

Certainly, there is not a threat of attack from without the Solar System. But if so, what threat could the AI protectors be facing?

The answer is ominous: One of humanity's own devising.

During the MMORPG explosion of the early 21st century, when so many important innovations were made in the fields of Artificial Intelligence and advanced computing, the Western Nations were facing an economic crisis. As the new currencies of WoW gold, meat, and Wii points began to supplant the dollar and the euro, earning digital currency became as high a priority as earning "real" money. This development pointed to a gaping hole in the economic models of the capitalist West. They were at risk of losing to the Pacific Rim nations. There was a goldfarming gap.


General Buck Turgidson, First Commander of Project QWERTY

In secret, the United States and its closest allies began researching a way that the west could keep up. Terrible mistakes were made along the way. Gamer Fuel was invented and fortunately forgotten. Horrible permutations of Mountain Dew were attempted. Finally, the allied governments, realizing that Western gamers were too undisciplined to keep up, commissioned Project QWERTY. QWERTY was designed to create a super-primate with none of the laziness of humans and the lightning-quick reflexes of an animal.


Found in the Old Earth Archives in Mars Starport: An early Project QWERTY ape!

Project QWERTY succeeded. It succeeded beyond its creators' wildest dreams. Their boosted apes and chimpanzees became some of the most powerful farmers of the 21st century and crushed the virtual economies of the Far East. If that were the end of the story, it would be easy to rest well at night. Unfortunately, the burgeoning space program of the 2040's meant that tiny, intelligent primates would serve humans in a new way.


Project QWERTY pilots


With the continuation of "faster, better, cheaper" at both NASA and the European Space Agency, the Project QWERTY primates were seen as trainable pilots for small space vessels that could be launched into orbit far more cheaply than humans. Over 200 were eventually launched and used as astronauts in the mid 21st Century. But over a period of 5 years, they all disappeared.


A Threat to the Solar System?


The Weekly Solar News believes that the AI Protectors have mobilized to counter the return of the descendants of Project QWERTY. With their improved reflexes, superior discipline and hilarious antics, they could be a bigger threat to the system than even durians or the SoE. The WSN advises caution! Beware: no matter how cute and harmless a monkey appears in a spacesuit, it can still activate energy weapons far faster than any human.

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