13.10.08

New Technology Roundup #2

Agarttha Research Base - October 13

TECHNOLOGY marches on in the Solar System even without the great labs of old Earth. After the Starcrash Catastrophe, research into new, more powerful weapons and shields, better drives and improvements of more exotic systems has actually increased as an expression of per capita expenditure. Humans' dependence on their science changed from a question of luxuries (such as creamier Venusian chocolates) to a matter of life and death (how to fabricate essential Flintstone-shaped vitamins). As incredible new products are discovered and created, the Weekly Solar News is there with its newest edition of the Technology Roundup. Here are a couple of the most cutting edge weapons we have encountered:

The Holy Hand Grenade Array

The Holy Hand Grenade Array is a new type of auto-cannon custom built for Deep Belt forays. It is designed to deliver a more effective type of explosive ammunition, dubbed the "wrath of God," to take out the really tough platforms, pods and ships occasionally seen in the deep fields. It is a temperamental weapon despite its tremendous power and should be used with caution and only after fully understanding the instructions on its use.


"First shalt thou arm the Holy Array, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then aimest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade Array towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."


The Naked Phaser Emitter


Ordinary phaser emitters operate by creating waves of high probability of quark or lepton appearance and disappearance. They take advantage of quantum tunneling to strip normal atoms of their electrons and force them to reappear in unstable configurations. This produces a small release of energy and destabilizes any matter it passes through. The problem is that the particle streams cannot be relied upon to materialize within the vital regions of the enemy vessel.


Dr. L. Nielsen, inventor of the Naked Phase Effect

Now, several researchers think that they may be on the verge of creating a new type of emitter that could change the way we think about the technology. "Probability wave manipulation is very difficult and unpredictable," says Dr. L. Nielsen, head of the NPE project at Agarttha Base. "There is always risk. You take a risk getting up in the morning, crossing the street... or sticking your face in a fan." His work is intended to decrease this risk, however, by isolating the phase effect and causing it to focus on a predetermined point. This would create constructive interference in the target and lead to a concentration of the naked phaser effect. Because of this concentration, the NPE project calls their new weapon the "Naked Phaser Emitter." We tried to elicit more details, but Dr. Nielsen was too busy with testing, saying, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!"

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