REPORTS of new technological findings are streaming from all over the Sol System. Just days ago, a mysterious AI broadcast a widely heard series of messages across the planets. The speaker appeared to be a cyborg implanted with a Cybernetic Artificial Thinking System. Whether this intelligence is part of the AI Council regime or a rogue is open to speculation. Over several minutes, it broadcast several messages, starting with, "BOOM SHAKE THE ROOM." Consternation spread as spacers everywhere pondered the meaning of this powerfully sent message.
Further messages from the CATS cyborg elaborated. "SOMEBODY SET YOU UP THE BOMB" "YOU HAVE NO CHANCE, MAKE YOUR TIME" and "FEAR ME, I AM A CLICHE" Debris scavengers located throughout the system suddenly reported finding deactivated small bombs. Quickly adapting, the clone engineers aboard many vessels were able to adapt these bombs somewhat for use in combat. But questions abound: Is this some sort of inept plot? A publicity stunt for peanut butter? A message? No one knows.
The intrigue deepened further today as modified bombs were found. Early reports claimed that these bombs were pumpkin-shaped and more deadly and reliable than the first wave of bombs. A well-known con man claimed to have obtained the only pumpkin bombs in existence, but was discredited when it was found that he was, in fact, selling LED-lighted plastic pumpkins filled with non-explosive latex. Later the real bombs were discovered to be somewhat different in form. As a public service, here is how to tell the difference.
Please do not purchase these fake pumpkin bombs. They have a 100% chance of failure. Further reports that weird data crystals have also been found in the Deep Belt have not yet been substantiated. They are rumored to be stolen records from the pre-StarCrash Faction Wars. If you have any information about these Faction Wars artifacts or know of a way to decode ancient espionage devices, please contact the Weekly Solar News.
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