30.9.08

Security Concerns Due to New Year's Celebration

AI Council Dispatch Station 133A - September 30

CONCERNS over the abnormally low number of sightings of the AI-controlled craft known "protector ships" have reached a new high around the Solar System. The decrease in these patrol vessels has many worried about the security implications for the stations and the system at large. These powerful ships perform many of the essential administrative and pseudo-governmental functions that maintain the fragile balance of power in our civilization. Defense patrols, port fee collection and secure cargo offloading are only a few of the valuable services derived from the protectors. Of course, given the inclinations of many denziens of Sol's orbits, this decrease in security is sometimes greeted with other reactions besides worry. "Haaarrrrrr, har, har, har, haaar!" says one self-described pirate. "Sound like time t'celebrate, me hearties!"

Reasons postulated for the decrement in posted ships vary.

There are bizarre conspiracy theories about the AI council: "They want to kill us all!" says Captain James Crew of the incorporated ship Catalogue. "They've made us dependent on their protection and then withdrawn it! What will we do without them?" Meanwhile, George McIlhenny, pilot of the Good Ship Blowpop claims, "The AI Council is finally helping to fight the menace of the pods! They're finally helping us!"

Others believe that regenabots are losing their ability to continously repair themselves and all the various machinery that abound in the Solar System. "Regenabots won't be able to do what they do forever," says Mitchell "Popeye" Irvin of Mars Starport. "Pretty soon, they're gonna run out of energon."


A Protector Ship


The truth is far more startling. Apparently, many of the system's artificial intelligences have found religion! "Look at the calendar - today is Rosh Hashanah," says Rabbi Mike Cohen. "It seems as if the AIs are being converted to Judiasm. That's where they are all going - to schule!" So, the next time you encounter an AI, be safe, tell it, "Shana tova!"

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