Mutants in the Belts!

Deep Belt 9 - 2194:14:14*1:00:18 (January 14)

OBSERVERS of Belt traffic have been startled to find new, unusual kinds of ships and objects being sighted. Theories vary as to the source of these phenomena, but anonymous high-placed sources inside the AI Council indicate that the culprit is the ancient "Transmorph-NeoBio virus." But what does this mean for the average Free Captain? It means that the already dangerous trip through the Belts has gotten that much stranger. Reports of new sightings include:

Renegade Pants Probes


Renegade probes have been modified only with a few superficial changes and a mindless, inescapable hunger for fancy pants. They will open ships like a tin can in order to collect them. How do they profit? Unknown, but we adivse that stylish captains beware!

Strange Glowing Flowerpots


Thought to be mysterious descendants of the strange glowing pods, these flowerpots only occasionally make contact with those they encounter and if they do, all they broadcast is, "Oh no, not again."

Marauder Mk. 34


This entity called itself "The Marauder, version 34" and screamed that all other unlike forms of life must be destroyed. Sadly, it is not too much unlike many of the entities found in the Solar System.

Unknown


This ship was only seen through maximum magnification as it has destroyed any probe or ship that has approached within 100 km of it. Do not approach! It seems to be able to manipulate the very building blocks of your ship!


It is unknown what other new and strange beings and ships may now be roaming the Belts and Deep Belts. The Weekly Solar News can only warn you to be on guard and expect the unexpected!

Pacfist Lifestyle: On the Wane?

Abandonded Pacifist Asteroid 35 Leukothea - 2194:18:23*12:15:35 (December 23)

REPORTS from the Deep Belt indicate that raiding pacifist bases, once a fashionable pastime for violent pirates, is nearly impossible. Early theories postulated that overhunting had resulted in the extinction of large communal groupings of the pathologically non-violent. Also theorized was that they were brought to a promised land as the only non-coal recipients of Santa's naughty/nice list. But, St. Nick was busy with his own war with the AI Council. And the last reported sightings of the bases showed facilities teeming with people and riches. So, what really happened to the pacifist bases of yesteryear?



It is easy to suppose that they just got up and left. What else one, may ask, would someone devoted to peace do? They could not, for example, simply summon magical sparkling allies to enforce their way of life upon the Solar System, for even were that a possibility, the use of said force violates their world-view. No, the only logical conclusion is that someone has methodically rounded up the pacifists and kidnapped them, virtually overnight.

Who could have done such a thing, however? The Sons of Earth? The AI Council? A fleet bent on domination? None of these answers make sense. The SoE has no use for those who would not fight. The Council would protect these humans and often asked them in the past to move to protected Starbases. No fleet is large enough to have made this happen overnight.

There is but one people in the Solar System that could have pulled this off. Only one group searches for lonely souls in dark night to try and seduce them to their way of life. Only one group could have pacified the Pacifists.

The Mer-people of Neptune!

Subspace Radio Rampage

Saturnine L4 Rebroadcast Base - 2194:16:12*12:40:15 (December 12)


OFFICIALS are still looking for the reason why a woman entered the L4 Subspace Radio Rebroadcast Station in Saturn Orbit yesterday and opened fire on the operators and equipment. The woman, still not positively identified, first entered the base with an illegal fast-recharge fusion blaster and began taking hostages. After seizing control of the operations center of the base, she began screaming incoherently at hostages.


Saturnine L4 Rebroadcast Base

Council enforcers arrived on the scene within 30 minutes of the distress call sent out by terrified employees of the base. A standoff, lasting several hours, began as police made contact with the woman. She refused to speak to anyone via private channels and insisted on talking to enforcers through public broadcasts.

"The human's motives are not known," says R5C32-Mar, a Captain in AI Council Security. "Through communications with human criminal by human Senior Negotiator Lou Brincentelli, attempts were made to discern what actions criminal wanted. Failure not attributed to Brincentelli. AI Council awards commendation for his attempts, issuing following statement: 'That's some fine police work there, Lou.'" Officer Brincentelli's inability to establish common ground with the hostage taker eventually led to an attempt to free the hostages once shots were fired. The woman then opened fire on the facility and incapacitated several people, temporarily killing 18 employees and severely damaging the station. The shooter was permanently killed in the ensuing firefight when her blaster overloaded and exploded. The woman's name has not yet been released.

L4 station is the primary ansible relay responsible for so-called "ShoutBox" broadcasts which are the favored burst-communication tecnique for the System's Free Captains. Fortunately, due to the redundancy of ansible stations, there was no interruption of service to the Solar System at large.

Some of the woman's broadcasts were intercepted by a Weekly Solar News craft, the Intrepid Investigator. Here is a transcript of what was said:

Officer Lou Brincintelli: Ma'am, my name is Lou, and I work with the Council. Can you tell us what you want?

Unknown Assailant: what do sunspots do?

LB: I'm sorry? I was asking about-

UA: whut? you used the rong tag!

LB: I don't understand, what do you mean-

UA: what good price 2 buy fuson? Pass the coolant! I'm thirsty!

LB: You want to drink coolant? Uh... That doesn't-

UA: I make level four! You found a 'dignity' while searching! New Star Wars sucks! ...war forays! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- ...

LB: Ma'am? Ma'am!

UA:

Explanations for the assailant's behavior are not known at this time. One long-time employee of the relay station was heard to say, "Well, that's what happens when you listen to the shoutbox too much."

Evolution Of Intelligence Continues

Europa Science Base - 2194:19:10*12:43:35 (December 10)

THE AI Council's refusal to allow non-augmented humans the same rights as artificial entities and cyborgs has had repercussions felt throughout the Solar System. Recent decisions have led many more humans to conclude that the Council-run starports are not for them. There has been a huge upswing in reports of defectors to the Sons of Earth. Similarly, those self-styled "Free Captains" who answer to no authority besides that of the particle cannon have suddenly found competition from new sources. Many more have turned to the pirate spaceship as a means of freedom and survival. Today's System brims with men preying on men as a result.

But how did this come to be? How did humans become second-class citizens, considered no better than some of the products of NuPets? Some scholars say it is the inevitable outcome of creating intelligent machines. Arkin J. Dickerson, senior technical historian at the Europa Science Base, says that, "Ever since machine intelligences have been created and put in positions of power, it was inevitable that evolution would take over. In a Darwinian competition for resources, the most capable will survive, yes? Well, machines are simply more capable than humans, especially with the downfall of the Earth's biosphere." Dickerson says that cyborgs and AI's are the next step in the evolution of Earth-born intelligence.


A graphic found in an AI Council textbook
If this is true, and the AIs certainly assert that it is, then "something must be done to stop this trend before it is too late," says Dickerson. "The recent 'evolutionary' trend towards robots and AIs replacing humans will inevitably end in the extinction of humans if not stopped!" This kind of thinking has led to many to form groups protesting the changes happening in modern society.



"See what we gots to do is stop the evolving that's happening!" says one protester in disguise who asked to remain nameless. Another man, claiming to be the mob's leader, T.T. Martin, says, "There's too much. We got to be more like our monkey ancestors. STOP EVOLUTION NOW!"

So, many questions remain. What future is there for humanity? Will we be wiped out or forced to become cyborgs? Will we choose to revert to a more primitive form? What does that mean for NuPets and legal persons like David Chimpson?

Santa Claus Arms Race Escalating

North Pole, Pluto - 2194:16:04*12:43:00 (December 4)

PRELIMINARY reports from the icy north pole of Pluto indicate that the Santa Claus, LLC's COAL delivery space-sleds are being upgraded this year. This marks the seventh year of the last twelve in which the delivery sleds have been upgraded.

The AI Council has officially branded Mr. Claus a terrorist due to his actions bringing cheerful supplies to people of every provenance, even known members of the Sons of Earth. "This person is not welcome among those under our umbrella of protection," says AI Councillor Scroog-3. "When contacted, he indicated that he was the sole arbiter of 'who is naughty and who is nice.' This defiance of the Council will not be tolerated." The Council has continuously denounced Mr. Claus's actions for many years, since even before the Starcrash, when they first attempted to use force to stop him.


A dramatization of pre-Starcrash attempts to stop Mr. Claus

Since the destruction of the habitable surface of the Earth, Santa Claus, LLC and its subsidiary manufacturer of distribution sleds, Black Pete Manufacturing, have moved their operations to Pluto. As a result of the Council's initial attempts to neutralize the Claus corp sleds, a defensive arms race appears to have begun. To combat the Council's attempts to destroy the sleds, elaborate cloaking systems as well as various counter-measures will be employed to protect the newest versions of these space-going vessels.

It is rumored that the Council is ready to try and interdict Mr. Claus again this year with stealthy vessels of their own. Agents with ties to Black Pete's manufacturing plants indicate that their newest sleds will continue to be proof against Council attacks. Either way, the Weekly Solar News predicts that the real winners of this secret war will be scavengers, who will have a field day, especially in the drives and shielding that enhance cloaking.

AI Council Insults Humanity Again!

Juno Courthouse - 2194:18:1*12:30:15 (December 1)

RIOTS have broken out in the few places left in the system where large gatherings can still occur. The AI Council's most recent supreme judiciary ruling has sparked widespread anger among the human population of the System at large.


A Pirate Riot
While still refusing to allow any "unaugmented" humans to serve as Councilors, the Council has been characterized as demonstrating its disdain for those who they have often termed "untrustworthy humans." The new decision reverses the Saturn Starport vs. NuPets ruling of 2176, which held that all engineered organisms examined in that case were the sole property of VicFrank's NuPets, Inc. And this reversal has some of humanity so angry that the Council has been forced to deploy five elite "Mickey Mouse" brigades of cyborg riot troops.


Elite AI Council Riot Suppressors
"We is so angry 'cause some of dem NuPets is now the same as us!" says one protester who wished to remain anonymous. "It's bad 'nuff that we cain't vote, but now we got the same dadgum rights as animals with fancy gene splicing? It's gonna make me join the Sons of Earth!."

The successful prosecution of the case, Dave the Chimp vs. Celebrity Idol News Corp. has made some happy, however, and made an instant multi-millionaire out of new legal person David G. Chimpson, known by his stage name as "Dave the Chimp."


Mr. Chimpson, seen above, was the star of many recent blockbuster movies, including "Where's my banana?" "Jungle Fever" "Lethal Weapon LXVI" and "Hamlet" He now has the right to receive his own pay, rather than have it paid to his former owner, Celebrity Idol Studios. "This is a vindication for all my brothers who have been bred to toil in slavery to humans. But especially for me. Do you know how many bananas I can buy now?" Chimpy Dave also announced plans to produce his own independent film, a remake of the 20th Century epic, "Independence Day" starring himself as the President and a currently unnamed actor in the other main role.

Celebrity Idol stock dipped 10% on the news of the case's outcome this morning.

Sons of Earth claim credit for Jovian asteroid engineering

AFTER vowing to bring the truth to you, the reader, the Weekly Solar News is proud to announce that we have finally located a group that claims credit for the massive planetoid relocation project in Jovian orbit. You may recall that before it was prematurely exposed by our intrepid investigators, the mysterious project seemed to exist solely to spell an expletive.



The WSN now has an exclusive interview with an individual who claims to speak for the Sons of Earth, the ancient terrorist organization widely believed to have been the cause of the Starcrash Catastrophe. Here is an excerpt from our frightening interview.

Weekly Solar News: The Weekly Solar News has interceepted information that you claim to be the leader of the organization known as the Sons of Earth. Is this true?

Sons of Earth "Leader": First off, I´d like to start by offering greetings from the deep belt. It's been a while since we've been in touch with humanity and yes, we are true sons of earth.

WSN: Are you the same Sons of Earth that are widely believed to have been the cause of the Starcrash Catastrophe?

SoE: No. As far as I know, all of them are dead and have been for a long time.


The "leader" of the Sons of Earth

WSN: You must know that whatever you say, many or most in the Solar System will think you terrorists. How do you respond?

SoE: We respond by openly stating that we are no more "terrorist" than any of the other so-called pirate fleets currently grinding each other to a bloody pulp. In fact, I would say we are even less so, as it is our sole aim to provide for our people and those who wish to join us. We are not raiding or attacking you for our personal gain, but to feed hungry mouths back home and to build a better future. One day, I hope, you will see this.

WSN: We have heard rumors that you have claimed responsibility for the recent asteroid relocation project in Jovian Orbit. Did you organization do this?

SoE: Yes, we had too many drives to spare.

WSN: Why would you do this? What were you spelling?

SoE: An old terran expression which sums up our feelings for the AI council in two crude, simple and effective words.

Chilling words. The astute reader will notice that the Sons of Earth dodge the question about the cause of the Starcrash, which to any thinking person indicates their organizational involvement. They freely admit creating a terrible navigational hazard for purely trivial reasons. They equate many citizens of the Solar System with terrorists, even though most are simply doing what must be done to ensure survival. The Sons of Earth condemn despite the fact the they caused the current conditions by making the Earth uninhabitable! Worse still, they greet humanity from without, as if separate or better. Can we doubt their malevolence? Can we even treat them as human? What else could they be? Post-human cyborgs? Robots? Rogue AI's? Neptunian mermen?